“

[W]hen men come forward to complain that they would totally act right if women would just say no “correctly,” they are lying. The idea that you could somehow make your harassment less gropey and upsetting or your rape less rapey, if you would stop being so inscrutable and just explain to the poor clueless dear in terms that he’ll understaaaaaaaaaaand is beyond. fucked. up.

This sets up a world where men can do whatever they want until they hear a “no” that they choose to interpret as being “real,” and sets up any damage done up until that point as being the victim’s fault. The victim is not controlling the interaction, the harasser is choosing to harass. What possible advantage is there in making it the victim’s responsibility to convince their harasser “Oh no, kind sir, please stop?” or they must have deserved what they got? If you’re really invested in the “why are women such cowards who don’t say no clearly enough” narrative, ask yourself, why are you so interested in maintaining a shield of plausible deniability for sketchy people doing sketchy things to women?

”

Captain Awkward, The C-Word (Hint: C is for Creep!)

I don’t know how I didn’t know about Captain Awkward before, but yay.

(via tsumetai)

RELEVANT.

(via thisgingersnapsback)

I’m always super wary around any guy who seems to think women never “properly” turn men down. I mean, not only are women socialized to let men down “gently” because hurt manfeels will apparently destroy the world, but men are socialized to think that women are flighty idiots who have no idea wtf they actually want, and that no really means yes. They interpret “being coy” and “playing hard to get” where we’re saying “look I don’t want you to punch my face in for this but seriously back off. Please. If that’s okay with you.”

(via nounbeast)

reblogging for relevance to that anon ask from earlier… you will be returned to your regularly scheduled rape culture posts here presently

(via rapeculturerealities)

listened to a guy rant last night about how some girl gave him her number after he asked for it, and never texted him back. I sat and listened to him complain, saying he’d rather a girl be brutally honest and just say “no, I’m not attracted to you,” but the woman in question was a server at a restaurant, and I couldn’t help but feel there was a distinct power difference there. And I thought, too, sitting quietly and uncomfortably in my chair next to him that I had never said a straight up “no” to any man who asked for anything like that because 1) I have been taught for 21 years of my life to always be kind and nice and never rude or assertive to anyone, ever, especially men, and 2) my coping mechanism for a dude demanding my number would be precisely that — I would give it, and then after that the power to say yes or no would be in my hands. He would text and I could choose to respond or not. Those who are socialized as women in this culture are expected to take responsibility for other people’s feelings at the expense of their own, to mediate, to avoid conflict, to have poor interpersonal boundaries. And because I have never been taught to say no, but only to ‘let him down easy’, my silence is my only way to say no. There is no way to say no “correctly”. Not as a woman in patriarchy.

(via elli-mae)

(Source: slutwalksignideas, via ryanvoid)

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